


Promises

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Avengers, Captain America, Steve Rogers - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Miscarriage mention, Suicide mention, Triggers, You've been warned, death mention, i'm terrible at summaries, pregnancy mention, rape mention, really sad, sexual abuse mention, torture mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 16:32:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14382591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: An old enemy comes around at the eprfect time. You have a lot to fight for, but no strength. On top of all, Steve Rogers is not helping you.





	Promises

Tony helped you get on the quinjet and on your seat. You were in so much pain that to think of something else, you thought about the sources and their possible diagnostics. Your torso was the thing that hurt the most, so perhaps you had a bruised rib, or more than one. You found it hard to breathe. Then there was your head; it pounded. And it was about to get worse.

“What were you thinking (Y/N)?” Steve yelled right in front of you, and as the quinjet was so silent, it echoed and pierced every little of you left. “You could’ve get yourself killed! Hell, you could’ve get any of us killed! Letting an adaptoid get you? Are you kidding me right now?” You couldn’t even look at him. He was right, all the things he said were right and it was due to your irresponsibility that you almost died. You shrank on your seat as he spat the words with such disappointment and hatred that you were sure you’d lose the child. It was the reason you couldn’t bring yourself to jump from that big ass building. You sheepishly looked up to him and saw his face in a burning red shade, his eyes teary and wide open as he bit his bottom lip. “I could’ve lost you,” he said with disdain. “How could you be so reckless?” He spoke softly now. “You’re being removed from the avengers until I say so,” he finally said in a stern voice.

“Rogers,” Tony glanced your way and turned on the auto-pilot. He stood up and walked in between you two. “You can’t make that decision without consulting us first, and you can’t talk to her like that. I will not allow it.”

“She screwed up, and she has to know that, Tony. Not because she’s your sister she’ll get special treatment.”

“No, but she’s—”

“Tony don’t,” you grabbed your brother’s hand and squeezed it gently. Rogers was not supposed to know, not just yet. “Captain Rogers is right,” you stood up with great effort and tried to hold on to your brother, “I screwed up and I have to know that.”

“Rogers, you can’t act as her judge, jury and executioner. She doesn’t deserve this.”

“I do, Tony,” you shook your head. “Just… get us home, please.”

“Dr. Cho is waiting for us at the compound, she’ll put you back together,” he lovingly kissed the top of your head and headed back to the pilot seat. “Leave her alone, Rogers,” he said from over his shoulder, “or I won’t be as nice,” you stood up and went to sit next to him. You wanted to avoid Steve at all costs because you knew he was enraged, and you didn’t want to cause any more trouble. “You hadn’t told him?” He whispered once you were settled down. “(Y/N), why haven’t you?”

“I just haven’t found the perfect time—we’ve been fighting a lot lately and I just… I just think this is some serious bad timing,” you shrugged. “This got in the worst moment.”

Once at the compound, Steve stormed out of the quinjet and it was Tony who took you to the medical wing, to Dr. Cho. She cured your wounds and fixed all that needed fixing; the only thing she couldn’t take care of was your dying relationship. You didn’t want it to die, especially now that you were pregnant. You knew Dr. Cho could help you without any hesitation if you ever decided to… put an end to it, but you weren’t sure if you wanted it. Avenging was not an advisable way of living when you had to take care of a little somebody, but you knew that the picket fence life wouldn’t be for you… or Steve.

Especially when your relationship was so near the end. You fought a lot, and you didn’t know how to stop any of it.

You walked back to your shared room and found Steve sitting on the edge of the bed, on your side. On your night table, you found the white stick you had hidden, but not too well apparently. His face was pale, and his hands were shaking. He tapped his feet on the floor with impatience, and you could feel yourself getting sick out of a sudden.

You couldn’t do this right now, you didn’t have the energy to fight or even have a civil conversation. You were under the influence of something that made you drowsy, perhaps Dr. Cho thought you needed a rest, but you were not sure what the thing you needed a rest from was. Taking an old shirt from the drawer, you walked out of the room, but Steve followed you and made you turn around before you could walk any further.

“I can’t do this right now, Steve,” you sighed tiredly. “I’m tired. I’m so, so tired…” you shook your head as you freed yourself from his grasp.

“(Y/N) you lied to me,” he managed to say in a hitched breath. “You lied,” he ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at the roots.

“I don’t want to fight right now, Steve,” you rose your palms in defeat. “I need to get some rest—I want to get some rest.”

“Just tell me, is… is it okay after what happened today?” He asked.

“Yes,” you nodded, “it is, but I really want to get some rest, Steve,” you urged him.

“Will you be with Tony?” You nodded. “Will we have a civil conversation later?” You nodded again. “I could use some rest too, I guess…” he shrugged and reluctantly watched you as you left.

* * *

You slept like about 12 hours, and woke up sore and disoriented. You groaned loudly and rolled on the bed but you didn’t feel Tony next to you. The night before, and after the awful conversation with Steve, you sneaked to his bed and he gladly accepted you just as he did when you two were children. As you opened your eyes, you saw the bright numbers of the clock on Tony’s night table that marked 9:28, so you decided it was high time you’d get up.

You headed to the bathroom because you were in a terrible pain and Tony was kind enough to leave your medicine there thanks to Steve. When you decided you were decent enough to go down and meet everyone, you headed to the living room where the team gladly received you because Steve had accidentally told them that you were going to become parents.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked as he poured some freshly brewed tea on your mug. “How are you feeling? Did you take your medicine?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” you smiled. “Uhh, Steve, can we talk, like... in private?” You tugged at your bottom lip and he nodded and took you out. “I just—I’m sorry about what happened. About yesterday, all of it,” you sighed heavily. “It was dangerous and stupid to have risked you all like that and I understand why you’re mad and I’m really sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We’d been fighting so much lately, and I didn’t think this would make you happy—I don’t know if it’s making me happy,” you felt your eyes filling with tears for the hundredth time in just a few days. “It just isn’t a good time right now, and I’ll understand if you don’t want it, I can still…” your voice faded at the thought.

“(Y/N), don’t say that,” Steve placed a soft hand on your cheek. “I’m just trying to sink in that I’m gonna be a daddy,” he smiled sheepishly and thumbed at your face. “I wish you hadn’t waited this long to tell me, and I know it’s my fault but… please don’t do this ever again,” you shook your head, unable to say anything else. He pulled you closer and held you tightly. His arms were wrapped around your torso and you allowed yourself to shed tears you didn’t know you still had. It was all good once again, or at least, it seemed so. He walked black inside with you well secured in his arms.

The few days after that it was all alright. Steve was supportive of you and your pregnancy and it was as if you two had fallen in love once again. Staying long hours cuddled together and trying to think of baby names was one of the things you enjoyed the most. It seemed like the baby had come at the right time to calm the raging oceans that your personalities were, but at breakfast Steve dropped another bomb.

“(Y/N), I know it’s a bad time,” Steve looked at you with concern, “but I need you to know that you’re still being removed from the Avengers until further notice. You’re not getting special treatment in your situation, but I need you to understand that what you did was very irresponsible. You should’ve let me know about your state beforehand, and we could’ve saved us all this trouble.”

“I know, Steve,” you groaned and rolled your eyes. You were not even fully awake to pick up a fight with him, and you couldn’t believe he was bringing the subject in front of literally everyone. “I know I fucked up and I need to get my lesson for that.”

“Can’t you just spare her a little, Rogers?” Tony pleaded. “(Y/N)’s young, but she’s not a child. She doesn’t need all this chastising from you. What are you going to do now? Send her to her bedroom without dinner? Spank her? Take her phone away? Give her a break.”

“Tony, this is between me and her—”

“Steve,” Natasha intervened with a calm voice, “you’re doing this in front of us, so I guess it’s not between only the two of you. After all, it’s the Avengers you’re talking about, and Tony’s right, she’s not a child, and you’re only her boyfriend. You’re not Howard Stark.”

“Natasha, she could’ve gotten all of us killed if it wasn’t for her irresponsibility,” he looked at the redhead. “You know I would do this to everyone, not just her,” you suddenly started to shrink in your own seat. “(Y/N), we all know you are a great agent and an even better asset to the team, but being a Stark doesn’t save you from the rules that apply to all of us,” you nodded silently. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“What do you want me to say?” You whispered. “I mean—I fucked up. I’m sorry? I already said that yesterday, and—I think I’m not hungry anymore, thanks,” you pushed your untouched food away from you and stood up. “Tony, may I stay in your lab for a while?”

“(Y/N), stay here,” Steve demanded. “I’m not done with you.”

“I am, Captain,” you turned around and looked at him. “I am really done with you.”

“You’re done with me?” He cocked a blonde eyebrow.

“Yes,” you nodded. “I don’t want this to turn into a show. I know what I did and I know damn well why I did it. It is your problem if you don’t want to understand that. And you know what? Just scratch my name from your assets, I don’t think I even can be an Avenger anymore, so what’s the use?”

“God, you’re unbearable sometimes,” Steve grumbled. “Why can’t you be a bit more sensible? Think about the others instead of just you. Everyone here claims you’re a grown up, well, then grow up, (Y/N), I’m serious.”

“Well, newsflash, Captain Idiot,” you retorted. “I was indeed thinking about the other being that’s living inside me, and I don’t know if it’s going to keep living after all of this. Maybe not, who knows? Dr. Cho isn’t far away from here.”

“You’re all talk and witty comebacks, but if you’d done that, if you had put yourself in danger like that in my time, you wouldn’t have survived a single day. Hell, not even the first minute.”

“Say it, Rogers,” you growled as furious tears ran down your cheeks. “You know what you want to say, so fucking do it.”

“I wish you were more like Peggy,” he narrowed his eyes and spat the poisonous word right at your face. “Do you know why she because me highest head of the SSR and then SHIELD? Because she was a sensible person, unlike you who act completely reckless whenever you have the chance.”

It wasn’t the first time you heard it, but it was the last time you’d take it, and this time it was for real. Steve could be a little mean and harsh sometimes, but you knew that comparing you to the women he loved for most of his life was a dick move, and abusive. You looked around yourself and saw literally everyone taking their hands to their mouths; they were in awe because they never thought he could say something like that.

“Dude,” Sam was the first one to react, “that was so not okay.”

“It’s alright, Sammy,” you mumbled in between sobs, “it ain’t the first time I hear this. Now if you’ll excuse me…” you turned around and walked away, towards Tony’s lab.

Tony headed straight to land his fist on Steve’s jaw, and nobody stopped him. Nobody wanted to stop him anyway.

* * *

And then one day you were gone.

You woke up dizzy and you were sore in parts that only a fight could leave you sore. The light was dim, but you could notice that your wrists and ankles were tied to a hard chair. You couldn’t even remember why or how you got there—

You shut your eyes closed when a bright, white light dashed you and with it, loud footsteps followed.

“You’re awake,” a male voice commented. “I was starting to think that we beat you up too hard, and that would’ve been useless, right?” You slowly opened your eyes and had a hard time to match the voice to a face you knew. “Don’t remember me? I’m Rumlow, Steve’s old STRIKE team leader—nah, why would you even remember me?” He asked, but in his voice you could really tell he was having fun. “I don’t look half as pretty as I used to. Your boy really fucked me up, but you know what they say: an eye for an eye,” he came closer at you and smiled wickedly. ‘And the whole world goes blind,” you said to yourself.

“Why am I here for?” You muttered. “I don’t get it, what are you supposed to get from me?”

“Ohh, great question! Great question indeed,” he found himself quite amused at the situation. “You, young lady, are going to grant me access to the compound. It’s all I want, I want to be there and fuck shit up.”

“Isn’t it easier to just go there?”

“Yes, but there’s no fun in that,” he shrugged. “I want to see them desperate when they see me there and realize that all their defense systems are off. I want to laugh at their hopelessness,” he was eager to take his plan into action. “I want them to give me a good fight, I want them to feel like they could beat me, so when I give the final punch, they are left with nothing else to do. I have a few people who would gladly help me.”

“You’re wrong to suppose I can help you,” you pursed your lips. “The system has its own way of functioning—I haven’t mastered it yet, and I’m far from it.”

“Don’t worry, I have patience,” Rumlow broke the few centimeters that kept you apart with a soft kiss on your swollen cheek. “We’ll start tomorrow, we’re behind schedule.”

* * *

“Rise and shine, sunshine!” A bucked of cold water woke you up. You fought for air as you coughed to get all the liquid out of your system. The bright light was on, and you only wanted to die. “Did you sleep well? Well, I don’t really care,” he smiled widely. “Today we’re going to try to break into Stark’s system, and you better not fail, or else you might not like what will happen to you.”

You were not in the room you first saw. This new place seemed a lot bigger and it had about half a dozen computers and crap like that. You knew how to crack into the system, or at least part of it, but you hadn’t had the important lessons on how to hack it.

“I’ve already sent some pictures of you to your people, but we haven’t gotten any reply,” Rumlow said with a taint of sadness and disappointment in his voice, “perhaps they don’t care about you anymore.”

“Perhaps,” you sighed.

You were put to work, and Rumlow paced around you impatiently as you tried your best to get into your brother’s head, but that was impossible. That was as impenetrable as the digital fortress that protected the headquarters. While you were trying to get in, you left small breadcrumbs for Tony to have at least an idea that you were alive. Your location was still to be found. You must have spent an awful hour stuck in that chair, because your sore back begged for some stretching.

“Shit,” you groaned as you found yet another dead end. “Tony, why would you—” you suddenly feel a hand pulling your head backwards and you meet Rumlow’s raging eyes.

“What happened?” He growled.

“I can’t do this—” you cried. “Rumlow, I can’t—this is a fortress. I need a break, more time, something to eat—I don’t know!”

He hit you again and you fell unconscious, and that routine repeated until you couldn’t make any more progress.

You woke up several hours –perhaps even days, you were not sure—later in same room from the first time. But in front of you, there was a computer screen with nothing else. It was playing some sort of sick footage of people beating up a girl. You wished they were just beating her, but the video showed various torturing methods until you realized it was not some random girl. It was you; you were being tortured and that would explain why you were always sore, always bruised and why you were not pregnant anymore.

Your eyes filled with tears at the hopelessness of your situation. You had been there for weeks, perhaps even months, and even as you left evident clues on your state, it didn’t seem like they were anywhere near you. Maybe they had decided to let you go, maybe after your fight with Steve he decided he was better off without you. But Tony? That didn’t explain Tony’s behavior at all; he was your brother and he was not supposed to abandon you like that.

“You like the video? I’ll admit it’s kind of sick, but it’s what we do to keep your people aware of your existence. Though they haven’t responded, is everything alright?”

“Just kill me already,” you shrugged carelessly. “You’ve taken everything from me so I don’t really care if they come or not. I don’t think they’d recognize me anymore.”

“Not yet,” Rumlow smiled. “Not until they come, and once they see you and feel like they have the chance to save you away, they’ll know that there’s nothing of you left. If I can’t get into their compound, I can might as well get into their brains and wonder why they even lost sight of you.”

He left without further words and you fell into a pit of despair. You wanted to cry, but most of all, you wanted to die. You couldn’t bear your own self. With the recording you realized how much you had endured but you weren’t even conscious to see it. You just wanted to die, to put an end to all your misery. You closed your eyes and let yourself fall into some sort of deep slumber.

You were not exactly sure of what happened next or when it had exactly happened. It all happened way too fast for you to have any idea, but one second you were in your small room, then you were in a quinjet, and the next you were lying on a bed in a room so clear and luminous that it hurt your eyes, but you didn’t want to fall asleep again.

The voices around you seemed loud, and as you looked at the ceiling, you felt yourself sinking in a deep sea of nothingness. You felt empty, as if your heart had been ripped from your heart, and the people around you only made you feel emptier. There was a man who you saw a lot in your room. A tall, blonde man with broad shoulders and a kind face, or at least, you thought so because a pair of dark bags under his eyes took over his features and all of him. Steve, you knew him; of course you knew him, and your heart ached for what Rumlow had done to your memories of him.

Once you regained the sense of time passing by, you noticed he spent day and night by your said, accompanied only by a man with a short, dark beard and a scruffy hair to match. That was Tony, you were sure that it was him because you used to look for him in your brain when you once felt alive. At times, he was the best and only memory you had. Now, he was just a memory, but you couldn’t attach any feelings to it.

The two men were your best memories, and the only things that helped you endure each second of the torture, but at some point they were not enough to keep your mind away from the horrors of your present. Now, as you laid in that hospital bed you were completely alone to face the images that flooded your mind.

At night you’d wake up screaming until your throat was sore and until their strong arms got ahold of you until either one of the doctors would come and strap you up and send you into another long period of sleeping.

When you woke up again, you saw Steve curled on a chair right in front of your bed. As you fidgeted, the noise from the straps and beddings must woke him up. You two looked at each other for eternal seconds until you decided to make the first move.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, “I don’t know if I can unstrap you, so—”

“It’s alright,” you shrugged. “This seems almost familiar.”

“It feels stupid to ask if you’re alright,” he sighed heavily. “But, how are you feeling right now? What happened? When we found you…”

“After our fight I went out for a walk. I needed some fresh air and the next thing I know is that I was being dragged to a van. Then it goes to Rumlow but that’s kinda blurry too…” you explained calmly. “He drugged me for most of my time there as well as…”

“We saw the footage,” Steve’s voice broke. “I know what he did to you, and… I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you, (Y/N),” his heart couldn’t hold back the ocean of sorrow that had pooled in his gorgeous eyes and he broke down in unstopping tears that broke what little heard you had left. “I shouldn’t have said all those awful things at you. I should have—I should’ve been a real leader and just spare you.”

“Steve, we can’t erase what happened,” you sighed. “And at the same time, I can’t move on. I don’t want to live like this,” you confessed. “I don’t want to live at all,” your voice trembled. “It’s one thing to have seen what Rumlow did to me, but I was there, I remember all of it. I remember seeing my own blood as it ran out of my body. I remember the miscarriage, I remember how his skin felt against mine as he raped me. I remember all of it, Steve. And nothing can make it go away. There’s no strap that can keep that away from me. No drug that’s strong enough to sedate that,” your chest heaved violently. “I don’t hate you for what happened to me, this is really not your fault, but you can’t possibly think that I can move on from this.”

“I never said—”

“But you think about it. I can see it every time you look at me. You want us to be back together as if nothing had happened, but guess what? It happened, and it happened to me. While he kept me, all I wanted was to live and be normal, not even happy. And now that I’m out all I want to do is not live with this anymore. With him. If you don’t help me, don’t doubt I will find a way to kill myself.”

And as much as Steve tried to avoid it; you made your last promise a reality.


End file.
